So, yeah, I know…it’s been a long time since I’ve posted on here. Many times an idea for a post came to my head…but honestly, sheer laziness took over me. That’s all there is to it. But today…boredome has triumphed over laziness…so, here I am.
My training has come along pretty good. I remember complaining about my upper strength gains. It seemed every week, I was hitting a wall. I just couldn’t add more reps to my sets. It was frustrating. I really wanted to just say forget it and do some squats and deadlifts and be done with it. Well, finally, I did it! I broke through the walls! Not only broke through, but made steady gains! I’m so supper geeked. I’m sure I’ll hit a wall again, but I’m feeling pretty strong. I swear, number in strength training always keeps me going. I can bench 100lbs now…not my max…I’m not sure what my max is though.
Also, I can deadlift 185 lbs. I don’t know if this is my max, but I can do it 3 good times. My PR is to do 200lbs…so…almost there!
As far as nutrition…I definitely haven’t found my sweet spot. It’s so hard to stay on track. I do really good for 5 solid days…then the weekend, I’m caving in. Like today…I didn’t even want food. I wanted sweets. And I don’t know why because I’m not even that into sweets. I’m more into fried chicken. I had that. And I recognized when I was full and stopped. But…I cannot…stop eating…M&Ms! I don’t know why I even want them! It’s making me miserable. I suffer for 5 days…only to undo all the work. It’s like running in a circle. I guess I have to stop trying to change all my habits at once…and stop thinking about food so damn much…and fix one problem at a time. That’ll help me in the long run. But speaking of the long run…why does one day seem like a week? Every day that I count calories…or count points…or do intermittent fasting…it seems like fooooorrrreeeever.
And I also feel an eating disorder creeping up. One hour, I’m looking in the mirror and saying, cool I see progress. I feel comfortable in how I look. Then a couple of minutes later, I glance in the mirror again and I see some HUMONGOUS woman in the mirror. What is wrong with me?! And then I swear off food for the rest of my life, only to wake up the next morning wishing I could eat what I love. I know…it’s already probably a bad cycle. I’m thinking about binging and purging and all that bad stuff. I’m trying to stay strong…but sheesh…this is almost getting out of hand.